I’ve been in a relationship for more than eight years now and the guy is wonderful. He waits on me hand and foot, he works like a dog to pay the bills so I don’t have to, and he’s good with the children (when he’s not exhausted). Naked, he doesn’t look too bad and he sure as hell knows how to eat some pussy. On the other hand, he’s not exactly a wonder-shlong in the sack because getting him in bed for anything other than a good night’s sleep is harder than he is when I reluctantly suck his dick. Put simply, my love life is lacking more than my bank account, which is why finding the best bullet vibrator became so important to me.
Living a life that’s filled with sexual frustrating can become maddening. I started lashing out on the poor guy, getting annoyed with every little thing he did (including chewing too loudly during dinner). Knowing all I needed was a good orgasm more often than he could provide it, I decided to go in search for the top sex toys on the market. Shortly thereafter, I realized that a full-sized dildo or vibrator just wouldn’t cut it. As soon as my partner found out, he would be devastated with jealousy – not because he’s against using sex toys, but because I kept it a secret. In a relationship, the only good secrets are the sexy ones. And that’s what lead me to start looking at bullet vibrators.
Reach Climax Faster Than a Speeding Bullet (Literally).
Unable to stoop so low as to cheat on my partner, and unwilling to use an intimidating sex toy as an alternative to real sex without his input, I figured a bullet vibrator would be my best bet. Tiny and sophisticated, some of the features on these high-end, high-tech models are downright amazing, if not rivaling the best full-size vibes. Best of all, I found out that some models are made specifically for couple’s play. In other words, my man can’t say he’s too tired to get me off anymore when he can use a battery-powered bullet to shoot my g-spot until I’m ready for bed. And so what if he doesn’t want to play along; bullet vibrators are designed for private, discreet use too. Once I found the right one, he just had to fuck me in his dreams, literally.
But before I go any further into the depths of my sexual despair, let me first take a second to describe to you fine folks what I mean when I say “bullet vibrator.” Although I feel like we’re probably all on the same page, it never hurts to clarify. Besides, the market has changed quite a bit in the last few decades and the outrageously wide-ranging selection is a testament to that. Let’s not assume anything here, but instead get our learn on about proper bullet vibrator etiquette. Oh wait, this is shopping tips. Yeah, that too.
What Is a Bullet Vibrator?
A bullet vibrator is a cone-shaped or bullet-shaped cylinder-like object with an internal motor that vibrates at various speeds and intensities based on user preference with its settings. Simple enough, right? Wrong. Today’s bullet vibrators are so much more than that. As if the Jetsons flew back in time to teach us all how to have sex and masturbate in the future, the best bullet vibes have features that are practically out of this world. And if the features aren’t, you most certainly will be after using them. Designed with maximum orgasmic power and body positioning in mind, modern-day models are not the hastily crafted versions of yesteryear.
Until I started really looking at all the bullet vibrators available, the first thing that came to my mind when I heard the word was a shiny, silver-looking, metal object shaped like a bullet with a long cord attached to it and a rudimentary dial on the end of the cord. Does that sound about right to any of you? Yeah, that’s not what I’m talking about when I say “bullet vibrator.” I plan to steer you towards the models that are not only well worth your time and money but also put together so well that they put those older versions to shame.
A well-made bullet vibe can accomplish many things for a woman, but did you know it can also be used by a man? Ergonomically-sound, body-friendly bullets are safe for anal stimulation as well as vaginal, so forget what you think you know about girls having all the fun. And whether she wears it or he wears it, many of the higher-end models come with wireless remote controls and long-range connectivity to make couple’s play more fun. If you haven’t ever used a bullet vibrator in your relationship, you seriously have no clue what you’re missing.
Why a Bullet Vibrator Though?
I really have to tell you why I think a bullet vibrator is a good investment? Ok, here it goes: A bullet vibrator can offer you and/or your lover many benefits, including but probably nowhere near limited to the following:
- You Can Masturbate in Peace
Finally having the peace to masturbate when and where you’d like has never been easier since the invention of the bullet vibe. Designed especially for personal pleasure, it wasn’t until later that couple’s features were added. In fact, a well-made bullet will perform wonderfully as a stand-alone product if you 1) know how to use it right and 2) buy the best one. I can’t tell you which one is best for your body, but I can help you determine that for yourself.
- Your Partner Can Join the Fun
Whether masturbating alone or enjoying some naughty foreplay with your partner, a good BV will support whatever activity you’re engaged in. Some can even sync to apps or other devices in the same brand’s inventory, and at the very least, most of the higher-end models come with remote controls for your eager partner to use. The better models feature wireless remotes and use pull-cords on the actual device as an alternative removal method, keeping with the same spirit of safety while freeing up the components to promote a more customized experience. Does that sound like something you’d like, because I sure as hell did.
- Your Orgasms Are Only as Loud as You Are
Get the right bullet vibrator and you’ll be able to enjoy everything I’ve mentioned here and more, including nearly silent stimulation of your g-spot or p-spot. Luxury BVs are notorious for using whisper-quiet motors that generate surprisingly powerful vibrations in an equally surprisingly array of intensity levels. So essentially, the only people who will know you’re getting off are the people you’ve chosen to tell about your dirty little secret. I find that incredibly erotic in and of itself, but maybe that’s just me.
- You Get to Enjoy a Sexy Secret in Private or Public
One of my favorite things to do with my bullet vibrator is to wear it out in public with my lover at the controls. I get zapped any time I’m a bad girl, which just so happens to be all the time. By the end of the night, me and my pussy feel like a one-legged man in a ass kicking contest – beat up. And if you get a bullet vibe with a rechargeable battery or a long-lasting battery life, you can move private play into the public eye and back again several times before needing a break.
- You Can Wear a BV for Several Hours
Surprise sex is some of the best sex, but that’s not possible if you buy a bullet vibrator without the right components. Aside from wireless remotes, varying vibe speeds, and conveniently-placed pull strings, it’s important for your vibe to safe for long-term wear. Consider your skin type and then ask yourself: Could I wear a bullet vibrator made out of ___ for several hours. If the answer is yes, consider yourself lucky and proceed to the next step. If the answer is no, look for something better. The right fit should be able to keep you cumming for at least 90 minutes straight.
Ya know, finding the right bullet vibrator is a lot like finding the right lover. You have to go through several, maybe break a few, and sometimes finish the job on your own. Eventually, you come across the perfect match and it’s happily ever after (so they say). Until then, and even after that, a loyal bullet will always shoot right for the heart of the matter, and that is: You need a decent orgasm before you kill somebody. I feel you, girl.
Much like the dating pool, there are a few things you should probably know or do before you go sifting through the riffraff. Here’s what your mama didn’t tell you:
- You have to know your own body.
No sex toy is perfect for every person walking the planet, but I’m sure you already know that or else why would you be reading this buyer’s guide? In any event, even if the device has ergonomics from outer space and the softest material on Earth, it may not be the right one for your unique body. I always compare my vaginal/anal canal length with the overall length of the toy, minus the pull cord or removal apparatus. If it fits, you must acquit (because “shove it up your pussy” doesn’t rhyme with “fit”).
- You have to make some plans.
Knowing how you intend to use this new plaything of yours is just as important as anything else I’ve mentioned (kind of). Although most of the top-notch bullet vibrators are designed to be highly versatile devices that can withstand the rigors of a very active sex life, they’re not all made the same. If you plan to use yours quite often, make sure you buy a model that’s durable and robust. If you probably won’t use your bullet very much, it’s okay to go for a cheaper model as long as it has all the features and craftsmanship you’re looking for.
- You need to get in touch with your sensitive side.
Do you honestly know how sensitive you are down in your nether regions? Have you ever had a vibrating bullet set to full blast inside your vagina or anus? Is it really possible for you to withstand the pleasure settings of the device you’re considering right now? I say, if it seems like too much go for it. Why allow your tolerance level to increase for things like bad manners and misleading advertisements when you can increase your tolerance for pleasure? With the right bullet vibrator, you’ll have all the power you need in the palm of your hand (and in the crotch of your pants).
- You must consider your lifestyle.
If you don’t travel very much, prefer not to have sex in public, or have no sexual partner to speak of, the type of bullet vibrator you need will reflect that. There’s no need for a travel-friendly device if you never leave home, and the same could be said about whisper-quiet toys that keep your cat in the bag. Sexual partners require couple’s play features, but you may not need that. An all-inclusive toy may be more expensive than a simple one, but then again, your sexual prowess may increase over time. Buying a whole new bullet vibrator because you failed to go all out on the first one is a rookie mistake. Go big or go home, ladies and gentlemen.
The Top 5 Ways to Tell if That Bullet Vibrator Is Worth It or Not
If you’re any good at this, then you probably know that I’ll start ranting and raving about the various things I do and don’t like concerning modern-day bullet vibrators. Well, you’re right. The only way you’ll ever find what you’re looking for is to learn what to avoid. So, here are the top 5 things to consider when shopping for your first (or next) bullet vibe:
Obviously, the size of that bullet vibe in your shopping cart matters. If it’s too big, good luck wearing it discreetly for long periods of time. If it’s too small, good luck getting it to touch the sweet spot (or better yet, come out). As mentioned, compare the dimensions of all bullets and booties involved, or else. And keep in mind that there’s no average bullet vibrator size. It’s all about comfort, discretion and preference out there. Choose wisely.
Look for things like variant vibration speeds and customizable intensity levels. You might also hunt for special features such as SenseMotion Technology or Sync-to-Music. SenseMotion turns the device on or off, up or down with the wearer’s body movements. Sync-to-Music is a feature that makes the device pulsate with the rhythm of your favorite song. Both are not necessary to have a good time with a bullet vibe, but both are still pretty effing cool if you ask me.
Considering you’ll be putting this bullet vibrator up your hoo-ha, the material(s) it’s made with affects a lot. Always go for silicone, metal or glass if you can. TPE, polycarbonate and elastomers are decent alternatives if you can’t afford a silicone device. All of the above work well with most skin types and can be used with almost any water-based lube. Any bullet vibe made with rubber, organic materials, latex or phthalates should be avoided like the plague though. Don’t make me gross you out with one of my horror stories. Just listen.
My favorite part of using any bullet vibe is exploring the many controls it comes with. Whether wired or wireless, the controls are in charge of the various vibrations coming from the bullet itself. If the controls aren’t powerful enough, you won’t feel much in the way of pleasure while wearing it. On the other hand, if the vibes are too strong you could end up busting a nut far too soon. It’s good to find a bullet that’s got enough vibes to experiment with and intuitive controls that allow you to customize your experience. Anything else is just a waste of your time and money.
Battery life is important when it comes to selecting the best bullet vibrator. Why? Because for one, you’re likely to wear this thing for quite some time while you play sex games with yourself and/or partner. For two, a short battery life can make it virtually impossible for some users to reach climax or live out the sexual fantasies they have. So, while longevity varies quite a bit from model to model, make sure the device you choose at least has a rechargeable battery so you can quickly get back to business.
The Three Kings: My Favorite Bullet Vibrators
I try to be as thorough and diligent as humanly possible when shopping for sex toys, especially ones that get used internally. Bullet vibrators have come a long way since their inception several decades ago, and nobody could be happier about that than me. After years of trial and error, I’ve finally figured out how to tell a good BV from a mile away. By now, that super power should have rubbed off on you. While you wait for it to activate, check out these three vibrating bullets which are, in my humble opinion, the cream of the current crop.
BEST OVERALL: The We-Vibe Tango
Hailed as the most powerful mini vibe in the entire world, the We-Vibe Tango is made by a well-known brand that’s popular for its super powerful toys made with industry leading precision. This silky smooth and sleek vibrating bullet is a sex toy worth a second glance no matter who you are, with a flat edge and a tapered tip for pinpoint vibration focus. It features 8 stimulating vibe modes and can be taken into the bath or shower no problem. Made from body-safe PC ABS thermoplastic and using a rechargeable battery with an incredibly long 2-hour lifespan, the We-Vibe company has done it again with their petite yet pocket-sized Tango bullet.
PRO: For a slight upcharge, you can buy the Limited Edition Collection which features additional technologies like We-Vibe Sync to instantly turn your Tango a couple’s toy.
CON: It may not be comfortable for long-term wear.
BEST FOR COUPLES: The LELO Layla 2
Available in three sophisticated colors (black, cerise and deep rose), the LELO brand’s top-selling bullet vibrator, the Layla 2, has 50% more power than the original. With more control options and three-times the wireless range, this remote-controlled sex toy is both couples-friendly and solo mission approved. It features SenseMotion Technology which can be controlled with or without the remote using the multi-function button on the toy. Use the built-in controls to adjust the 6 pre-set vibe speeds or simply flick the remote as it mimics the vibes coming from the device. Waterproof and rechargeable, the LELO Layla 2 is made from FDA-approved silicone, has a long removal loop, and can be used with any water-based lube in your stash.
PRO: It’s sleek, soft and sexy enough to fit in with the rest of your sex toy collection, plus it’s perfect for dual stimulation since the remote vibrates too.
CON: It may be too large for some, especially people who are new to using vibrating bullets.
MOST DICREET: The LELO Mia 2
Looking like your run-of-the-mill tube of high-dollar lipstick, the super discreet LELO Mia 2 is a bullet vibrator with a sophisticated design and a powerful operating system. It’s not only easy to use but it’s also fully rechargeable using a standard USB cord (which is included, of course). The motors are completely silent too, giving absolutely no indication that you’re ringing your own bell with the 6 pleasure settings built in. The shape has been specifically molded to target the clitoris for fast, intense climaxes and the whole thing is 100% waterproof to boot.
PRO: LELO is famous for making toys that can be used in and/or out of the water with and/or without a partner and the Mia 2 is no exception.
CON: This little guy doesn’t have a removal apparatus, so are cautioned to be very careful when using/wearing it.
The End Game
Picking out the perfect bullet vibrator isn’t always easy, but when you finally get the right one, the orgasm that follows always is.
It doesn’t matter what anyone says, the ideal vibrating bullet for you will have the shape, size, features and materials that make you want to squirm. As long as all those components come together to provide you and/or your partner with a pleasurable experience (hopefully more than once), that’s all that matters. So, if that takes a remote-controlled bullet with a bunch of new technologies, half a dozen vibe functions, and a covering made from hypoallergenic materials that feel almost exactly like real human skin, then so be it. Nobody is judging you here. After all, own journey started with me trying to avoid having sex with my partner.
I’m Rori. I’m glad you’re here with me on this crazy journey.
Since this is a sex blog, most of the content relates to the men (and women) in my life. I’ve divided my life over the last five years into little “chapters” to help you catch up on the story and the cast of characters involved.