Finally Figure Out the Freshest Fleshlight (Say That 5x Fast).
I have been a fan of the Fleshlight brand since I was first allowed inside a sex shop. There it was in all its glory, pictured gleaming on the poster above the clerk’s head. There I was in all my stupor, naïvely holding the first piece of crap I found with an attractive person on the box. Little did I know, that was the day I met the love of my life. Or to be more specific, one of the loves of my life (because masturbation was the first). And since the two seemed to get along swimmingly, I knew it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Fast-forward a few decades and we now have more Fleshlight models than we can shake a stick at. That perverted yet ingenious police officer who invented the first device obviously knew what he was doing. Since his first fake vagina rolled out onto the showroom floor, there have been several million units sold, with thousands of them shipped out to various parts of the world every single day. Made with a wide variety of men and tastes in mind, the Fleshlight company has become one of the most famous names in the sex toy industry.
In fact, some people might even argue that the word “Fleshlight” is now synonymous and interchangeable with the word “masturbator,” and I would have to agree. The brand’s inventory is so large that it encompasses virtually everything you’ll find out there, including a whole host of handheld masturbators, automatic blowjob machines, customizable sleeve textures, and countless fantasy features that are out of this world . . .literally. Think: werewolves, vampires and aliens, because this manufacturer sure did and you’re in for the surprise of your life if you aren’t ready.
The sheer number of options in the Fleshlight lineup is intimidating, even for an old perv like me. It’s borderline ridiculous, and it begs the question as to whether the brand is trying to gain a monopoly on the sex toy industry. For the average person to just happen upon the official Fleshlight website and know what to do is a miracle. The page has a search engine, sure, but unless you know what’s available you won’t know how to use it with any purpose. I made the mistake of thinking I was above all that, only to find out later that I had completely missed any entire category. With the type of pleasure that can be derived from one of these things, I feel like that’s a crime against humanity.
Monopolistic, innovative, ambitious or otherwise, the Fleshlight brand deserves its own class when sex toy discussions are being had. With that in mind, I’ve taken the liberty of dissecting the subject in such a way that even a newbie could understand it. If, by the end of this, you still don’t know which Fleshlight masturbator to buy, it’s your own fault. That, and it’s the fault of the Fleshlight brand for being so damn awesome they make it impossible for people to choose. I do not envy you guys.
In an effort to make this a little easier for you, I have a few considerations everybody needs to make before going shopping for their first (or next) Fleshlight male masturbation marvel:
The Size of Your Penis
As you probably know by now, not all Fleshlights are created equally, and they’re not all identically sized either. The same can be said about your penis. You may have been able to force your dick into some tight spots a time or two, but that’s not going to help you here. Just like trying on a suit, buying a good sex toy requires a proper fitting. The difference is that you don’t get to test a sex toy before you buy it, Fleshlights included. So, know the measurements of your penis before headed to the computer.
TIP: Measure the length and circumference of your penis when it is fully erect to get accurate numbers.
Your Skin Type
Most sex toys are made from a wide variety of materials, but the Fleshlight brand is sort of an exception to that rule. They tend to use their patented SuperSkin material on every single product in their massive inventory, with only a handful of exclusions that use another skin-like, hypoallergenic alternative that feels just as good, if not better. However remarkable those materials may be, though, they don’t get along with all skin types and can’t be used with certain lubricants and/or toy cleaning products. Fortunately, Fleshlight makes it own line of lubes and cleansers, but that requires an extra investment I thought you might want to know about ahead of time.
TIP: Have an allergy test performed long before you start searching for synthetic sex toys, and be sure you use a water-based lube with all Fleshlight toys.
Your Lifestyle and Sex Life
Knowing how often you plan to masturbate with your new Fleshlight is an important consideration that usually gets overlooked. I’m here to tell you not to make that same mistake. If you beat your meat all the time, I suggest going for one of the models with lots of features, only because they’re typically more durable and have plenty of bells and whistles to prevent boredom. If you’re just a casual weed whacker, a model with fewer features should suffice for a while. You might want to think about your sexual appetites right now as well, especially since the Fleshlight fantasy land has something for almost everybody regardless of how freaky you are.
TIP: Always buy a backup sleeve (or two) if you can afford it.
Your Bank Account
Speaking of affording things (or not), don’t take your hands off your wallet until you’re absolutely positive you have the right Fleshlight in your shopping cart. I say that not because the Fleshlight folks like to rip people off. Quite the contrary. This particular brand is famous for being excellent and inexpensive, plus they have hundreds of masturbation toys to choose from, many of which are compatible with one another. There are accessories, add-ons, replacement parts, toy cleaners, renewal powders, and lubes too. If you don’t have a workable budget in place before moving forward, the impending bankruptcy to follow will be nobody’s fault but your own.
TIP: Make your budget somewhat flexible just in case you run into any pleasant surprises.
Your Responsibility Level
Most people don’t want to sit around thinking about being responsible when they’re buying a sex toy, but that’s one of the necessary evils of consumerism. The more you have, the more you have to do. Remember, a Fleshlight is made to be the bank for your repetitive liquid deposits, so taking proper care of it is crucial. Not only does a dirty sex toy harbor gross bacteria but it’s also susceptible to damage at a much quicker rate than a properly cared for one. If you find an awesome Fleshlight but don’t have time or money to maintain it as directed, go for a model in their inventory that’s a little simpler, thus more user-friendly.
TIP: Read the care instructions from each manufacturer, have your toy cleaning game on point ahead of time, and look for waterproof toys to make all this easier.
I tell you all this because I know something that a lot of people don’t (yet): That the Fleshlight brand offers more than the bulky, flashlight-looking devices that have become synonymous with the name. And as humble as their beginnings may have been, they’re still guilty of using clever marketing schemes to snatch the money from unsuspecting consumer hands. I’m not stupid and neither are you, and with the knowledge you just gained by going through those simple considerations, you won’t be disappointed in your purchase either.
Why a Use a Fleshlight Though?
Masturbation has been a part of mankind’s daily life since the beginning of time. Considered good for people’s health these days, choking your own chicken used to be thought of as unacceptable cannibalism. Between misunderstandings and misguided political and/or religious agendas, men everywhere were forced to manually pump their own brakes in dark basements and shrouded bedrooms for centuries. Before all that, their only option was to masturbate into old bread using olive oil as a lubricant. Thankfully, we’ve come a long way both as a species and as a thriving industry.
“We have reason to believe that Man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” -Lily Tomlin
Today, the Fleshlight brand leads the sex toy market with thousands of unique models, some of which feature things that other brands can’t even touch. With an in-house material recipe that’s virtually unmatched, several interchangeable components that make ownership fun and affordable, and a price point that’s ideal for people all across the board, the Fleshlight brand is probably the most consumer-friendly one there is. It’s difficult to say where they’ll go from here, especially considering how much of a head start they already have on their competitors.
And to make this whole spiel stick a little more, the Fleshlight folks are friendly with some of their competitors too. Having recently partnered with the Kiiroo, some of the toys from each brand’s inventory can be used in conjunction with one another. Best of all, those options all have the most high-tech features available on the market right now, meaning they’re an adventure to explore and even more fun to experience. On the flip side, the models that play well with others also have a higher price tag than the standard Fleshlights, but with a flexible approach you may be able to ball on a budget.
My experience with Fleshlight is one of extreme surprise. As though every swinging dick on the planet got together and complained about what was missing in the current sex toy selection, the Fleshlight boys and girls always come running like a dutiful nanny. Every time I turn around there’s a new product being introduced, and despite the speed at which it gets developed, the end result is never short of amazing. I don’t know how they do it, but I’m sure glad they get it done. These days, buyers can enjoy the four following Fleshlight-specific features:
- Customizable sleeve textures
- Interchangeable sleeve units
- Whimsical casing options, many of which look like common household objects
- Orifices and canals that have been molded after famous porn stars and/or favored lovers
It’s also important to know that, with Fleshlight, you can use any sleeve with almost every case they make. Furthermore, those case/sleeve combos can be slipped inside their new Launch device for a fully automated masturbation session that’s compete with real-time thrusts driven by exclusive porn access and connected via Bluetooth. That very same device (the Launch) is the one I was telling you about that’s compatible with the Kiiroo brand units – the Pearl 2 and Onyx 2. There’s even a “Build Your Own” option for full customization. Honestly, if you can’t find something in the budget that you love from Fleshlight, there’s probably no hope for you left.
To find the best Fleshlight model without losing your cool, I’ve composed a short list of tips and tricks that work every time:
See the Size
Although the standard Fleshlight is the same across the board, not all Fleshlights are standard. Ask yourself how much room your family jewels require to be stored properly inside the canal. Keep in mind that the average Fleshlight device measures about 10 inches in length (9.5 insertable) and has a diameter of 3.5 inches (meaning it can host penises with a girth of up to 7 inches). Of course, there are models made for extra large and small dicks too, but the sleeve textures and other features available may be different. It’s just important to know what you’re packing ahead of time, wouldn’t you agree?
Confront the Features
The Fleshlight brand is famous for a few reasons, but most of all because of the wide variety of customizable features available to the everyday buyer. Without being a manufacturer or designer, people can make their own Fleshlight masturbator down to the sleeve texture, orifice and outer casing (or lack thereof). With numerous subcategories to explore, buyers have the option to purchase their device from specialized groupings which include:
- The Fleshlight Girls
- The Fleshlight Boys
- The Fleshlight Guys
- Combo Packs
- Automatic Devices
- Cock Rings
- “Packers,” better known as dildos by the rest of us
- Anal Toys
There are a bunch of mounts, cases, lubes, toy cleaners and SuperSkin renewal products to look at as well. The point is to find something that speaks to you on a perverted yet practical level. I suggest picking out the sleeve or texture you want first and then construct the rest of the toy around that. If you’re not into the whole “DIY” sex toy thing and prefer a ready-made device instead, I got you covered. Stay tuned for the end of this guide for a few reasonable suggestions.
Mind the Fleshlight Sleeve Texture
In the meantime, think carefully about the kinds of sensations you like in your masturbator sleeves. Are you the type of guy who needs a lot of texture (desensitized penis, erectile dysfunction or stamina problems) or do you plan to use your new toy quite often, requiring it to be a little less intense? Are you good with manual masturbators or do you need one with a hands-free option? Remember, the more detailed the sleeve is, the better it will feel. However, highly complex sleeve textures can desensitize the penis after a while or make it hard to ejaculate with anything else. Also remember that most Fleshlight sleeves can be exchanged for another, so having a few different types wouldn’t be a bad idea.
Check the Casing
Although not the most important factor to consider here, the casing of your Fleshlight is still worthy of consideration. The brand may be famous for offering highly customizable products, but that doesn’t mean all components work with each other. Make sure you know what you’re getting into here, regardless of how inconsequential it may seem. The casing of your Fleshlight also determines whether you can use it with the brand’s own Launch device and with compatible devices from other brands like Kiiroo.
The Three Kings (+1): My Top 5 Best Fleshlight Sleeve Textures In 2020:
If you’re anything like me, you looked at the Fleshlight lineup options and experienced heart palpitations and shortness of breath. Despite my many years of masturbatory expertise, I found it impossible to pick my single favorite model. The best I could do was narrow it down to a small handful, which looked strange carrying onto the subway, I might add. Having not the discipline to choose one at a time, I typically buy my Fleshlights in bulk. They’re not only affordable and relatively attractive looking, but they’re also well-suited for another and make great gifts (for real, as a gag, or otherwise). Best of all, these guys guarantee the quality of each item and have customer service agents available for questions, comments and concerns. That’s right, sex went and got all professional on us.
Out of all the options available through Fleshlight, the following are hands-down my favorites (so far):
#1 The Obsession by Jenna Haze
Modeled after the superbly sexy porn star, Jenna Haze, the Obsession sleeve, orifice and casing combination is one for the record books. The texture starts off with gentle ridges then moves toward a tighter, overlapping set of soft flaps that create drag and suction on the way out. Designed with all men in mind, this all-inclusive fantasy maker offers 8.5 inches of insertable length and has a look-alike orifice for visual appeal. Signed, sealed and delivered by Ms. Jenna Haze herself, this bad boy is a well-rounded example of what Fleshlight brings to the table.
PRO: It’s a good-looking male masturbator with a perfected grip and one hell of an endorsement.
CON: The texture may not be what some men are looking for (although I can’t see why).
#2 The Stamina Training Unit (STU)
Created to help men beat their unruly meat into submission, the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit (better known as the STU) is not for the faint of heart. With a unique texture that’s proven to make the user ejaculate within minutes, it’s a force to be reckoned with for sure. The device itself looks and performs like a standard-sized Fleshlight, but what’s inside makes all the difference. And there are three different orifices to choose from too: pussy, ass, or non-anatomical (pure), plus it’s available in a combo pack that comes with a few samples and a couple accessories.
PRO: With proper, regular use, the Stamina Training Unit can help some men combat premature ejaculation and/or the beginning stages of erectile dysfunction.
CON: This one may not ideal for everyday use.
#3 The Quickshot Vantage
Not only is this model one of the easiest ones to clean, but it’s also extremely easy to use as well. The Quickshot is designed especially for on-the-go masturbation with yourself or a partner, with a super compact and see-through body that measures about 4.5 inches total. It offers 3.5 inches of insertable length and is open-ended on either side for discreet dumping. Lighter weight than the standard Fleshlight models, this one is also a little less expensive and far simpler to hide.
PRO: Its clear sleeve and casing combo make it ideal for those who like to watch the fun as it plays out.
CON: It’s not large enough to fit most men’s full penis inside, making it more suited for corona stimulation and quick cumming (hence the name).
#4 The Launch
Get ready for take-off if you decide to go with the Fleshlight Launch which is, by the way, compatible with almost every standard-sized unit in the brand’s enormous invetory. There’s even a version now available for your smaller Quickshot devices. Both versions automatically control the speed and length of each stroke with the touch of a button, and each one can be synced with Bluetooth for interactive, real-time play. Neither device comes with a masturbator to use though, so you’ll have to choose your favorite model ahead of time.
PRO: It’s an amazing addition to your sex toy collection, especially if you use Fleshlights and Kiiroo products a lot.
CON: The price may be a bit too salty for some.
The End Game
Finding the perfect Fleshlight isn’t exactly a party but it’s an exercise in excellence either way. I, for one, find these toys to be among the greatest the industry has to offer thus far. They’re surprisingly customizable for how affordable they all are, plus there’s not a single unit that’s not covered by the manufacturer’s quality guarantee. And while nothing is ever perfect, it’s important for us to remember this one thing: What matters most is that all the features of your Fleshlight come together to provide you and/or your lover with a satisfying sexual experience (hopefully more than once). If that takes an 10-inch device with a realistic vaginal opening, a see-through casing, and a porn star-inspired canal, then so be it. Real sex doesn’t always cut it, fellas. But that doesn’t mean you should be reduced to waxing your wand in shame.
I’m Rori. I’m glad you’re here with me on this crazy journey.
Since this is a sex blog, most of the content relates to the men (and women) in my life. I’ve divided my life over the last five years into little “chapters” to help you catch up on the story and the cast of characters involved.